Thursday, April 3, 2008

this is how tibak* i was before

*tibak = aktib. (noun) pertaining to a socio-political activist

a poem i made years ago, which was published in our school's literary folio. i wonder what happened to the girl who wrote this? because somehow, somewhere, i was swallowed by conformity.

Idealistic raw ako

maghirap man ako sa kakatayo
magkakalyo man ang mga paa ko
mangitim man ako mula sa sikat ng araw
mabingi man mula sa mga bulyaw

magtitiis ako…

umuwi man akong basag ang ulo
huwag kumain ng isang linggo
matulog man ako sa bilangguan
o tumira sa lansangan kung kinakailangan

magtitiis ako…

pagpatawanan man ng karamihan
at mabansagang kaaway ng bayan
mamalat mula sa kasisigaw
manghina sa sinag ng araw

magtitiis ako…

kung buhay man ang kapalit
o sa bilangguan ay mapiit
lahat ito’y titiisin ko
sa ngalan ng pagbabago


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Sunday, March 9, 2008

Whose head should I demand for this?



And she won??!

That's recently crowned Bb. Pilipinas-World Janina San Miguel during the pageant's interview portion. I'm sorry, but if this girl is going to represent the Philippines in an international beauty pageant, I want her F's and P's in place and her subject-verb agreement corrected.

If no amount of training will suffice, for the love of God, provide the girl with an interpreter!

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Friday, March 7, 2008

Dizzizit panzit

I'm currently filling up an application for an exam that has a mortally rate of 99%. Something that may sound like a qualifying test for a MENSA membership, but it's not. It's for a position that a nurse like me has no room for. All my four years of college couldn't have prepared me for this test, but what the heck I'm taking it anyway. And to say it has something to do with the government, now that's the clincher.

So needless to say, I am reviewing again. But now, my nose isn't buried in medical books. My nose is smelling dust from stacked history books and flinching from economic terms so foreign to me. It's learning all over again.

There's also this possibility of working for a private company, but it requires me to have a certain ability I was certain I had before. So I'm rethinking about that.

All of these in between studying for my unscheduled (yet) NCLEX, as my mother badgers me on hours end.

Three different roads. There's no easy way. Especially if your post-surgery mouth cannot stop bleeding. God help me.

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Wednesday, February 27, 2008

The then

how is one supposed to feel when you lose a beautiful memory? a friend and i have recently parted ideals and found out that our concept of time and waiting are very foreign to each other.

i have very little idea of the metamorphosis. a few exchanges of bitter words, and then giving up. i wasn't sure if i was the one who gave up. i always thought friendship is a very quaint liaison. but i never thought there could be an end of it. i feel like getting a wrench and pounding it on my head, maybe something good will come out of it, save whatever is left of the remains of what once was.

how is one supposed to feel when you lose a beautiful memory? unless somebody reminds you that you did lose it, it's never forgotten. is that the way it goes? or is it it's never even remembered?

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Thursday, February 14, 2008

Maybe because of the Lozada factor?

I myself remembered a fundamental truth about courage. Which is that courage is not the absence of fear. It is the presence of fear, often a most crippling one, but a fear that is overcome by a heroic act of will, or by the recognition that one has no choice but to do what is right. That is what Rodolfo Lozada has done.
- Condrado De Quiros
When I was young, my father ran for councilor in a small town where our surname was a household name. My fondest memories are of those when we visit the "barrio" and it would seem like major celebrities just paid them a visit. During that certain election year, I vividly remember parading around our green beat-up Volkswagen and giving out candies and hand-printed flyers. My father had the slogan "Maka-Diyos, Maka-Tao" and it was cool for me back then because it rhymed with our family name. So I kept on shouting it when we do little political soirées at the town plaza.

My father didn't have stickers, large banners and fancy gimmicks. He rode the carabao and went house to house. We were almost certain he would win. My clan owned more than half of the land there, most people were indebted to my Lolo and Lola, and most of all, people liked him because he is sincere and hardworking. But then he lost.

There were talks of cheating, but my father accepted the defeat. He was told to run again in the next election, but he didn't. He never ran ever again. Years later, I would learn that the people my father expected to vote for him were bought by the other inept candidates for a measly P20.00. It was my first taste of how politics can be.

So I think I acquired an unconscious political phobia. In school, I disliked the mere mention of my name in class election nominations. I never voted for myself either. When I win, I sulk then I do a lousy job. I'm so weird. It's the notion that I won because somehow I cheated with having more friends in the classroom, or my mother donating the new curtains, or being the teacher's pet, or simply because most of the kids were afraid of me (I was a big girl afterall). It just stuck on my mind that winning in an election constitutes cheating and we eventually elect inept individuals.

I look at Jun Lozada now, with the people dragged in this controversy and the many controversies before that, and cannot help but to think if I'm right? And because I have too much time on my hands, I was able to watch the senate probe on Lozada's alleged kidnapping. I look at the pool of the senators and some of them ask funny, inappropriate, and almost stupid unrelated questions. I look at the slew of government officers being dragged in controversies one after the other, as if it was another day at the office. I wonder how many of our government officials actually do their work?

School days suddenly remembered. Did we vote for a certain person because he was a friend? He was good-looking? He was an award-winning actor? Paid us P500? Donated curtains?

Looking at the government that we have now, I ask a question: have we failed, then?


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