Do you know who Mark Mejia is?

He was the one who beat current American Idol season favorite David Archuleta during CBS Star Search's Battle of the Champions five years ago. David was 12 and Mark was 10.

Rumor has it that Mark is currently training for next year's American Idol, when he turns 16 since it's the minimum age requirement for the show.

Follow Mark in his YouTube account as he sings infront of his computer, as if telling the whole world that he's ready to be the next big star. After he gets a make-over though. I kid, I kid. :)

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tired and scared

i remember one night we rushed her to the hospital because she said she couldn't breathe. i look at her while she is soundly asleep in a hospital stretcher, alone in the emergency room, and i feel empty. i secretly wanted to tell her it was her fault, quit being overly dramatic about it. i sit there while the nurse get her BP every 15 minutes. i count the seconds lazily passing by, tapping my hands against the cold metal bed only adorned by white linens. she looked pale. for three seconds it looked serious, but all i ever wanted at that moment was to go home and sleep. somehow, she didn't matter. i went outside the hospital and sat alone on a concrete chair. i remember feeling the crisp cold february baguio weather, but i do not remember asking if she felt better. when the doctor finally told she can go home, i felt nothing still.

i remember one afternoon, the doctor told me i had a cyst in my left ovary and that there is a possibility of not being able to bear a little rascal. i distinctly recall looking at my ultrasound, a small white circular thing appeared and my sister beside me looked so very worried. but i didn't flinch. i asked her when can i get my period again. she said we'll try to normalize it. i said okay and left like nothing has happened.

i remember this friend who i had a falling out with. a few months ago, i was desperate in trying to win her friendship back. but now, i couldn't care less. a window of opportunity was opened a few days ago and i didn't even bother peeking at it. i remember how much i miss her and how sorry i was for what happened. but that's just it. a memory. i look at the pictures i have of her and i do not feel anything. i didn't bother to take them down. but they all look like there's an extra person i once knew.

with all of these, i suddenly felt scared. a few days ago while riding in a taxi, i asked myself 'when did i stop caring?' right then i knew i wasn't the same girl anymore.

-update-

oh now i know what i feel. this is static anger. and i don't know how to channel it to sentient anger. wtf, i'm so weird.

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this is how tibak* i was before

*tibak = aktib. (noun) pertaining to a socio-political activist

a poem i made years ago, which was published in our school's literary folio. i wonder what happened to the girl who wrote this? because somehow, somewhere, i was swallowed by conformity.

Idealistic raw ako

maghirap man ako sa kakatayo
magkakalyo man ang mga paa ko
mangitim man ako mula sa sikat ng araw
mabingi man mula sa mga bulyaw

magtitiis ako…

umuwi man akong basag ang ulo
huwag kumain ng isang linggo
matulog man ako sa bilangguan
o tumira sa lansangan kung kinakailangan

magtitiis ako…

pagpatawanan man ng karamihan
at mabansagang kaaway ng bayan
mamalat mula sa kasisigaw
manghina sa sinag ng araw

magtitiis ako…

kung buhay man ang kapalit
o sa bilangguan ay mapiit
lahat ito’y titiisin ko
sa ngalan ng pagbabago

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